Today’s post is not very motivational. It’s raw and honest, which I think is something people need. 


I woke up feeling terrible. A part of me thought it was just going to be a bad flare. Maybe I pushed myself too much playing Animal Crossing (literally all night) and it set off my arms and back.

I went to work and was able to hold it together the first couple hours of my shift. Until the pain spread everywhere. And yes, when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. It was unbearable. I worked about 3-4 hours bawling my eyes out just trying to figure out what’s going on and be able to work my full shift. During a meeting, I stared blacking out and I knew that was when I needed to stop working.  Luckily by then my husband had just gotten home. I just cried the whole time and he got me heating pads, ice packs for my head, ice cold water, and anything I needed and put me to bed. I went to bed at 7 p.m. that night only to sleep 15 HOURS. YUP. I slept for 15 hours. 


When I woke up from a 15 hour sleep I still felt dead. I truly felt like I was dying. And that’s coming from some one who’s died a couple times so I’m sure you can imagine how scary that was. 

I couldn’t even open my eyes, my head hurt way too bad. I couldn’t move, my body ached, and I had shooting pains allll over my body. 

Luckily my sweet mama came and took care of me while my husband was at work. I couldn’t function. She would turn on my heating pad every hour once it auto turned off, replace my ice packs on my head, and have me drink water. I was burning up so bad she had my dad drive 25 mins both ways to buy me a thermometer. That whole day my temp ranged between 103-103.8. 

When my husband got home we went to the urgent care and it was awful. Not very urgent or instant if you ask me. We were there for 2 hours and they did tons of tests, including x-rays. When we got home I still felt like death and went back to bed. All that night I was so miserable I was waking my husband up about every 2 hours bawling in excruciating pain. 


I woke up with a terrible bloody nose. I’ve had lots of terrible bloody noses, but this one was BAD. Imagine the biggest chunk of a blood clot coming out of your nose. Not a little one. HUGE. Like 4 or 5 inches. Obviously, I screamed and continued to think I was dying. 

I slept all that day as well, of course. My temperature went down to about 100-101. Still couldn’t open my eyes. 

We got all the test results back. No infection. No pneumonia. Not strep. Not a flu. Negative for corona. Blood work and urine tests were fine. Nothing. Still I was convinced I was dying. After sleeping all day, Jair woke me up, brought me some loaded mashed potatoes and fed them to me. I literally vomited them up in his hand so I’m sure he thought that was really cute. Definitely a new milestone for our marriage! 


I woke up and actually slept decent. Didn’t wake Jair up at all. I slowly tried to open my eyes and guess what? I can now!! Without an unbearable headache. I was able to slowly move around and sit up for about 20 minutes until the excruciating pain started again so now I’m gonna take a nap. 

Weird. And scary. And excruciating pain I haven’t had since 2017. With no explanation this time. Even worse than my kidney transplant and arm surgery. 

I guess I forgot that this is the life of a chronically ill person. One day you’re thriving, the next you’re basically dying.

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